Love is the best antidepressant – but many of our ideas about it are wrong. The less love you have, the more depressed you are likely to feel.
Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It’s not negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk.
It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience in your life. Love is probably the best antidepressant there is because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved. Most depressed people don’t love themselves and they do not feel loved by others.
They are also very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love.
There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens. As a result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to love them. I say, a hope that is hopeless because love doesn’t work that way. To get love, you must have love to give. To get love and keep love, you have to go out and be active, learn a variety of specific skills.
Most of us get our ideas of love from popular culture. We come to believe that love is something that sweeps us off our feet. But the pop-culture ideal of love consists of unrealistic images created for entertainment, which is one reason so many of us are set up to be depressed.
One consequence is that when we hit real love we become upset and disappointed because there are many things that do not fit the cultural ideal. Some of us get so demanding and controlling, wanting someone else to do what we think our ideal of romance should be, without realizing our ideal is misplaced.
It is not only possible but necessary to change one’s approach to love, to ward off depression.
Follow these action strategies to get more of what you want out of life; to love and be loved.
IDEAL LOVE ;
★)) Recognize the difference between Limerence and Love.
Limerence is the psychological state of deep infatuation. It feels good but rarely lasts. Limerence is that first stage of mad attraction whereby all the hormones are flowing and things feel so right. Limerence lasts, on average, six months. It can progress to love. Love mostly starts out as Limerence, but Limerence doesn’t always evolve into love. ~~ Ellen McGrath.
★)) Learn good communication skills.
Mark this as an important. They are a means by which you develop trust and intensify connection. The more you can communicate the less depressed you will be that is because you will feel known and understood.
There are always core difference between two people, no matter how good or close you seems to be, and if the relationship is going right, those differences surface. The issue then is the ability to identify the differences and negotiate them so that they don’t distance you or kill the relationship.
You do that by ‘understanding’ where the other person is coming from, who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself. When the differences are known, you must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both.
★)) Focus on the other person.
Rather than focusing on what you are getting and how you are been treated, read your partner’s need. What does this person really need for his/ her own well being? This is a very tough skill for people to learn in our egotistic culture of life. Note this, you don’t have to lose yourself in the process; you make sure you’re also doing enough self- care. Not losing yourself totally while loving someone.
★)) Help someone else.
Depression keeps people so focused on themselves, they don’t get outside themselves enough to be able to learn to love. The more you can focus on others and learn to respond and meet their needs, the better you are going to do in love.
★)) Develop the ability to accommodate simultaneous reality.
The loved one’s reality is as important as your own, and you need to be as aware of it as of your own. What are they really saying, what are they really needing?
Depressed people think the only reality is their own depressed reality.
★)) Actively dispute your internal messages of inadequacy.
Sensitivity to rejection is a cardinal feature of depression. As a consequence of low self-esteem, every relationship glitch is interpreted far too personally as evidence of inadequacy. Quick to feel rejected by a partner, you then believe it is the treatment you fundamentally deserve. But the rejection really originates in You and the feeling of inadequacy are the depression speaking.
THANK YOU FOR READING.
For suggestions, stories or life experiences.
Reference on writing (the DIADEM of love) : Ellen McGrath.