The issues with idealizing love is that is causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is, what is can do for us and how it makes us feel. The unrealistic expectations then attack the very relationships we hold dear in the first place.
Even though you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term.
Love is simply an emotional process; compatibility is simply a logical process. The two don’t fix into one another very well.
It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who correct us in a harsh way, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them.
It’s also possible to fall in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life objectives that are so contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs, culture and traditions or worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality.
It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who sucks for us and our happiness.
That may sound paradoxical but it’s true.
When I think of all this disastrous relationships I’ve seen people have and experienced, it’s likely many or most of them were entered into on the basis of emotions- they felt that “precipitation” a set in motion and so they just dove in love.
Forget that he was an alcoholic, Christian, highly religious or born again, and she was a bisexual, a stripper, drug addict psychiatry. It just felt okay and right. I can handle it…..
And then a year later, she start misbehaving, throwing his Shit out from the stairs and he’s there drinking out his life or praying to Jesus twelve times a day for her salvation, then they look around and wonder,
” chai. .. Wetin be this? Na us be this?
Where did it go wrong?
Questions upon question….
The truth is, it went wrong before it all started.
When dating and looking for a life partner, you must not use only your heart but your mind as well. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart hover and your farts smell like classic lover perfume.
You also need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their worldviews in general. Because if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you….. Just as I tell my close friends, it might have a sweet loving beginning but I swear you, you going to have a sweet loving bad time, that you can’t deal with.
One of the defining features of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs, to help care for another person and their needs as well.
But the question I always ask my self is this “what are you sacrificing, and is it worth it?
In loving relationships, it’s normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own desires, their own needs and their own time for one another. I would argue that this is normal and a big part of what makes a relationship so great and healthy.
But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life objectives just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic.
A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If you find yourself in situations where you’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then you’re allowing your love to consume you and negate you, if you’re not careful, it will only leave you as a shell of the person you once were.
HOW TO KEEP A HAPPY AND LASTING RELATIONSHIPS.
Relationships can be a heartache, can be complicated and difficult.
But few people know that there are some pretty majors or clear signals to know when a relationship is going to work or not.
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Thank you for reading.