LOVE : THREE GRUFF TRUTH.

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   The issues with idealizing love is that is causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is, what is can do for us and how it makes us feel. The unrealistic expectations then attack the very relationships we hold dear in the first place.
For Example: 
                  Even though you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term.
                Love is simply an emotional process; compatibility is simply a logical process. The two don’t fix into one another very well.

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   It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who doesn’t treat us well, who makes us feel worse about ourselves, who correct us in a harsh way, who doesn’t hold the same respect for us as we do for them or who has such a dysfunctional life themselves that they threaten to bring us down with them.
   It’s also possible to fall in love with somebody who has different ambitions or life objectives that are so contradictory to our own, who holds different philosophical beliefs, culture and traditions or worldviews that clash with our own sense of reality.
    It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who sucks for us and our happiness.
    That may sound paradoxical but it’s true.
When I think of all this disastrous relationships I’ve seen people have and experienced, it’s likely many or most of them were entered into on the basis of emotions- they felt that “precipitation”  a set in motion and so they just dove in love.

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   Forget that he was an alcoholic, Christian, highly religious or born again, and she was a bisexual, a stripper, drug addict psychiatry.  It just felt okay and right.  I can handle it…..
And then a year later, she start misbehaving, throwing his Shit out from the stairs and he’s there drinking out his life or praying to Jesus twelve times a day for her salvation, then they look around and wonder,
” chai. .. Wetin be this? Na us be this?
Where did it go wrong?
Questions upon question….
The truth is, it went wrong before it all started.

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   When dating and looking for a life partner, you must not use only your heart but your mind as well. Yes, you want to find someone who makes your heart hover and your farts smell like  classic lover perfume.
   You also need to evaluate a person’s values, how they treat themselves, how they treat those close to them, their ambitions and their worldviews in general. Because if you fall in love with someone who is incompatible with you….. Just as I tell my close friends, it might have a sweet loving beginning but I swear you, you going to have a sweet loving bad time, that you can’t deal with.
   One of the defining features of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs, to help care for another person and their needs as well.
    But the question I always ask my self is this “what are you sacrificing, and is it worth it?

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In loving relationships, it’s normal for both people to occasionally sacrifice their own desires, their own needs and their own time for one another. I would argue that this is normal and a big part of what makes a relationship so great and healthy.

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   But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life objectives just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic.

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   A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If you find yourself in situations where you’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then you’re allowing your love to consume you and negate you, if you’re not careful, it will only leave you as a shell of the person you once were.

HOW TO KEEP A HAPPY AND LASTING RELATIONSHIPS.
Relationships can be a heartache, can be complicated and difficult.
   But few people know that there are some pretty majors or clear signals to know when a relationship is going to work or not.

Here is my e-mail:  vellystopper@gmail.com
I Would like you to inbox me your suggestions, opinions etc. . thanks friends! !♥♥♥

          Thank you for reading.

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4 thoughts on “LOVE : THREE GRUFF TRUTH.”

  1. Very true words. But I find that there are some underlying factors,as to why love can be tricky and why some really are falling in love with people less than suitable.. Even though they can see the person is no good.

    Love is hard nowadays, compared to our parents time because of THE INTERNET! Why search for a man/woman that you want or allow fate to succeed, when you can have a checklist of traits, and other shallow trivialities! The second reason that correlates to this is MEDIA. Men and women struggle with what a balanced image is and this comes into a relationship too. We can’t all have Beyoncé and Jay-z’s type of marriage.. And even that has had its problems!

    As for falling in love with less than perfect partners this can be for two main reasons: Misguided Peer/Parental pressures, and Desperation!

    As a black woman, and also a Nigerian(I’m of Caribbean heritage, but I understand!), you must know the pressures of getting married and having a truckload of kids by a certain age.. Unfortunately, if it seems to elude us, there are a number of “solutions” that someone wants to give us about why we are “failing” in the matrimony circle. There are some who will throw comments at you like: “You’re too fussy”, “You’re too forward”-Most men are cowardly, and need to learn step to women PROPERLY! A “One size fits all” approach isn’t likely to work! Starting a conversation with a man, that wouldn’t happen because he’s too shy or a clot, isn’t the wrong thing to do! Being “Meshugener” is a good thing!! I’ve watched idiot men, want to talk to a woman, and allow their friends to either: Put them off that female(stereotypes,lies about knowing that woman etc), or insult and cajole them.. If they allow that, then good women will slip the net! Same for women!

    “Why don’t you date(Insert race, normally a white man if you’re a black woman, and solely that race of men! I love men of colour, and I wont apologise for it!).. Or you get the showoffs that get SURPRISED when you don’t respond to the pompous and grandiose shows of affection when they notice you walk by, if you happen to be alone or with other women perceived to be single.. It’s happened to me, and some others who are not forthcoming and honest about WHAT REALLY HAPPENS!

    This can make any women who is single, feel worthless.. Then,comes other more harmful advice: “He just needs a good woman to tame him”-So now single women have to take on the role of RESIDENT ZOOKEEPER, to a man who has had scrapes with the law, doesn’t have a good track record of settling down, and most likely leave you as the next victim! Simply because of listening to less than helpful advice, from those who would rather tell you to support men that they WOULDN’T SUPPORT! Those who do so, are often married off already or almost there, but rather than see you have a smooth-ish transition into the world of love, MISADVISE SINGLE WOMEN, and wait for the fallout and REVEL IN THAT PERSONS MISERY! There are a lot of people out there like that and would rather that friend be GOSSIP FODDER rather than happy!

    Parents, and if you listen to them, other family members, can be misleading too…Either telling you to take men that sometimes have dubious characters, dubious earnings and are two faced… Show the good charming side to mama and papa, but then you discover sneaky little habits of theirs.. Try to report them, and come against a brick wall, because they only see one face and are BLINDED.

    To conclude this essay, you are right, but rather than just falling in love for the sheer hell of it, a bit of LOGIC AND COMMON SENSE as well as studying your conquest is needed!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. But sometimes love Is about loving someone without a reason. Not just because they deserve it for example God’s love. Although I understand perfectly well that in relationships,.you have to be ‘selfish’ yet love your partner. Nice post

    Liked by 2 people

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